Are you being heard? Are you really listening to others?
If you are not being heard it’s possible you’re not listening to others or yourself.
In this blog I am sharing three ways to enhance deep listening. When we take these steps in the presence of others suddenly we become heard in new ways.
I wonder what would happen if you use these with someone you barely know, on second thoughts, it could be easier than with a family member.
“If we were meant to talk more than listen we would have two tongues and one ear”
Not listening shows up in ways such as interruptions, regularly turning the conversation towards oneself, drifting off missing part of what was said, thinking about what we want to say rather than listening.
I rarely believe it’s intentional, it still doesn’t create a good environment for pleasant, mutual interactions.
The atmosphere can be intense & fast-paced, with ’self’ indulged interruptions/interactions that cause abrupt shifts in neurology and chemistry in our body.
Attention is ripped away, flow gone and with it any sense of satisfaction.
We can all be guilty of it, eager to fill in the gaps, to trump someone, or be worse off than someone, saying things to seek approval.
There is also disconnect with distractions such as phones and the need for instant gratification.
Life is fast pace and the art of listening with all these add-ins is adrift.
How can we listen more?
Be behind your eyes. The act of thinking takes our attention elsewhere. Become present, bring your awareness into your body and be the one behind your eyes.
Bring back all your attention from where ever it has been. Our mind travels, thoughts on yesterday, tomorrow, things to do or say. Be fully present in your body. be the one behind your eyes and listen from this perspective.
When you look at someone from this place of awareness, you may find they pause. Their system will know you are 100% focused on them and because it is unusual for someone to be so attentive it can cause a momentary glitch in their system……
Silence is the mother of creation.
How do you feel when there is silence?
So many folks feel awkward, if this is you, practice makes comfortable.
Hold the silence for longer than you would like to.
Why bother? If you’re asking this consider these thoughts.
Practice the art of pausing longer than normal because it is in these moments, the silence, people often say something they were not thinking about. Things pop out, blurt out, and can be gems of inner truth.
Holding this silence can provide a friend with the space to open up, a child to say what is troubling them. It also allows someone to know that what they have said is being listened to, really listened to.
Watching and feeling what is said.
Communication is 30% verbal, and 70% non-verbal. Our non-verbals include pace of words, vocal tone, facial movements, body language.
How often have you heard someone say ‘I’m ok’ and you think, hmm, not too sure about that?
Words say one thing, and the body can express another. You will pick this up because we unconsciously receive all expressions of communication in every single interaction we have.
This explains a lot when considering why there are so many miscommunications and fallouts over text messages!
Next time you chat with someone slow down, watch and feel.
What are you noticing?
Don’t make meanings of their non-verbals, simply become aware of them.
Keep it light hearted, have a soft nature within you as you see & feel what they’re saying. As you become present smile an internal smile. And in the silence, feel your own greatness.
It is a feeling we get when we are truly heard.
Nothing compares to it.
Think back to a time when someone really listened to what you had to say, can you remember one?
How did it feel?
Endorphins, dopamine, serotonin. All these wonderful chemicals that our body produces get released when we are truly heard. And the byproduct of all of this….
Beyond feeling loved, accepted, cared about, Healing,
As I write this I’m also wondering could this be why counselling or talking therapy is on the rise. Not simply in alignment with mental health issues, could it be because this is a place where one is heard?
What do you think?
Who do you listen to the most, in a deep or sincere way?
What if you were to carry that gift elsewhere, to others?
As you already know, when someone really listens to us we experience it in a way that words can never convey.
The Art of Listening
For deep lasting connections.