What’s your default setting? Ashamed or Shameless?
Shame is a painful feeling of guilt or disgrace. Often a learnt response based on false beliefs such as what we do, how we look, who we are, what we say is inappropriate or wrong.
It creeps in without realising and we find ourselves making decisions based on “I’m not good enough”, I don’t deserve. So i’ll not do or have that (what my heart desires) i’ll do that instead (what equates to my inner belief of I’m not enough”)
Can you sense how this limits us?
We’re making decisions based on fear rather than love.
Have you ever been aware of feeling ashamed? If so, what did you avoid because of it, or how did it influence the choices you made?
Intimacy in relationships is one of the biggest areas affected due to shame.
So people will avoid it, cover their bodies, hide away.
Shame can be due to some of these;
- Past experiences
- Social stigma
- False information
- Bad decisions
- Lack of education
- Body image
- Self comparison
Self comparison is a confidence killer and a shame creator.
Shame in what ever form is a suppressor of life’s true expressive possibilities.
Where in your life are you hiding and might you come to recognise there could be a dusting of shame lurking in the background?
Knowing the conscious influence it has is a mere scratch of the surface to the unconscious steering our life takes when we are ashamed in any way.
I say ‘our’ because not only are we dealing with our personal life experiences, we are also affected by ancestral, passed on persecutions and self deprivations.
How might we begin to deal with this?
Consider parts of your life where you may feel a bit of emptiness, not fulfilled, or you are aware you have shame wrapped up within.
To break down ‘Life’ into a manageable perspective you’re welcome to use this ‘Wheel of Life’ to see where you may be devoid of something. Consider the back story, is there any shame lurking in the history?
Our previous experiences in life are reference material for our subconscious mind to work from. This means any experiences where we felt disgraced, ashamed, embarrassed are marked and avoided.
Avoided because they were painful.
Remembered unconsciously because they are to be avoided.
We then want to relearn from these experiences otherwise our mind will use this as reference material for future direction, moving away from anything likened to those linked with shame.
As you read the above, you may have had memories pop up, sensations in your body (awkward, uncomfortable ones) I am wanting to get you to think and be honest to yourself, for a reason. To provoke, trigger or activate, an internal response. You may feel it as physical sensations, remember events in images or words. However you connect with a bit of friction inside can be a powerful quick way to connect with source and an opportunity for letting go, learning and freedom.
This is how our mind works, sometimes all it takes is a word, a look, a moment and our mind creates instant connections with the original blue print of when we decided “I am ashamed”
The blue print that had up until now determined the decisions we made unconsciously and hence the direction we have moved through in life.
These memories are powerful points of incomplete information. That’s why they’re still lingering, they are carrying an emotion which determines decisions.
Decisions that determine a direction away from something or towards.
Emotion. E-Motion, Energy in motion. It must flow, or it gets stuck.
We get stuck in replay, conscious or unconscious.
These memories hold important learnings, this may be hard to swallow for some. But if something is stuck, when we release it, the flow is empowering.
When we unstick these we let go of a painful past, to realise and reshape our future. The decisions we make become based on compassion, love and self esteem.
As you know we can not change what was, but we can change the narrative, what we had been telling ourselves about it. And this is gold.
Dark experiences are only dark because we haven’t yet allowed the light in. Yes, it can take courage.
It takes courage and acts of Shameless self love to live life fully.
When we change the narrative, or simply open up to let the light in, the change goes further than our mind can comprehend or realise.
It has the ability to ripple out and effect every event that happened thereafter with this gold. Softening and altering the course for our new belief system to become integrated in our neurology within the time it takes to take a deep sigh of relief.
Shame is not tangible, it is an emotion.
It is a feeling and feelings are energy passing through, unless we get stuck and then identify it.
When we identify with something it influences our belief system which lies behind the ‘why’ we do what we do, our abilities, behaviours and so much more.
When you notice what sets you off, we can catch it and reprocess the information.
As Amy Towel petitions “Shameless”
This is who we really are.
Let us not hide any longer.
Be proud of all of you, in every way.
Ashamed or Shameless, what identity would set you free?
By going down this avenue we can make changes. Because when we see, know, sense what has been keeping us hiding away we can change it. We can’t though if we pretend it does not exist or sweep it under the carpet.
We can always change the bits we don’t like when we hold our heads up high and accept what was and realise we are ok, we are more than ok and we are doing our best..
Choosing to be proud, responsible and Shameless
Self respecting, worthy and confident of every aspect of our being.
What we say, how we behave, what we look like, who we love.
How much we love ourselves.
The impact on our lives and the lives of others when we relearn the beauty of all of our parts.
Unashamed and beautifully human
As you know a liberated life is a powerful force for humanity and our children’s future. When you let go of shame, the butterfly effect is limitless. Society changes and it all started with you!
Well done, you are incredible and I thankyou.